Public Enemy

Kelsey: Yo, Robin! We need to talk!

Robin: Huh? Shhhh... don't you know we're in a library? who are you anyway?

Kelsey: The name's Kelsey, but my friends call me "Snake". I'm the self-appointed chairman of the "religiously Correct Committee." We're here to help you fit in.

Robin: Snake? What are you talking about? Seriously man, I have got a history test
in 15 minutes and unless you are here to study, I think you better make like a snake and slither away!
(Pause for a moment to think about what Kelsey said)
"Religiously Correct Committee," are you studying for the Colonial test too? Is that some Colonial Virginia Government or something? I am so confused. I've never even seen you guys before.
(Robin goes back to his/hers studies. Kelsey grabs the book from him/her.)

Kelsey: Of course you ain't seen us. WE like to keep a low profile. Normally, we don't have to make an appearance. Most Christians cooperate and just blend in. But you, you're different. That's why we're here. Kelly! Read him/her rights!

Kelly: (Reads from card.) You have the right to remain silent.

Robin: The Bill of Rights! That's it, September 25, 1789
(He/She quickly writes something in his/her notes).

Kelly: (Still reading) Listen up Robin, I said you have the right to remain silent. You don't have to tell people about Jesus. Anything you say about Jesus can and will be held against you. You have the right to live for yourself and do what you want to do. Remember, Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven! You have the right to fit in. You can't afford to be different.

(Robin tries to stand up but Kelsey pushes him/her back down.)

Robin: Excuse me...remain silent? Not tell people about Jesus?. Live for myself?
Those rights don't sound right to me!

Kelsey: Robin, Robin! Ain't you read the latest issue of "ME MAGAZINE"? You know ... the "what's hot and what's not" issue? Kelly, read him/her the part about religious acceptability.

Kelly: (Chewing and popping gum while he/she talks) Sure, Snake. Let me see... (Flips through magazine and begins to read.) Oh, here it is! "Hot ... Saying you believe in God". Hey, we believe in God, don't we Kelsey?

Kelsey: Yeah, yeah. Just read, okay?

Kelly: Okay! Where was I... here it is. "Hot... Saying that you believe in GOd. Not hot... Saying that Jesus is the only way to know God".

Kelsey & Kelly: (together) That is definitely... "NOT HOT!"

Kelly: "Hot... Wearing t-shirts with a Christian message. Not hot... Explaining the message to your friends. hot... Listening to Christian Music. Not hot... Living a Christian Lifestyle".

Robin: (stands up.) Wait a minute! You are so totally wrong. Hot? Not Hot? What are you talking about. I can't believe you read that "Me Magazine." It's so focused on self, look at the title "ME!" I'm serious you guys, Everything you've said is wrong!

Kelsey: No it ain't Robin. You're Wrong! (Pushes him/her back with a finger in his/her chest.) You gotta fit in. You can't afford to be different!
(Kelly and Kelsey close in on Robin, getting right up in his/her face)

Kelly: You got to chill out, Robin. Nobody likes a fanatic!

Kelsey (Shakes his/her finger at Robin.) You better listen to us, sweetie! Don't make surf!

Kelly: (Looks at Kelsey confused) Don't make surf?! That's waves, Kelsey! Don't make waves!

Kelsey: Oh, yea, right! Oh, I know! You've got to sow some wild oatmeal! If you don't, what will people think of you?

Kelly: You want them to like you. don't you Robin?

Robin: Well, yeah... but not that way. LEAVE ME ALONE!

Characters Freezes.